This time last year, I was crying over a boy I thought I was absolutely in love with for the last couple of years that walked away from me after only a short few months reunited without a second thought. I spent the short time I had with him allowing him to manipulate and break me down, thinking that the emotional damage he was placing on me was what he thought was love. I jumped when he told me to. I stood behind him through every obvious wrongs and defended his name as if he was a God that I worshipped. And in that time, I suppose I actually did. I was convinced I could shield him from his own demons when all he did was open the flood gates to allow mine back in. When our last hours together finally trickled down to no more than a few moments, it was already to late to realize he had beaten the sanity I had left and drug my battered soul to the very same gallows I tried so hard to keep him from when cheap whiskey and glass could no longer dull the static in his head. He left me there with no way to save myself from the sudden drop I was about to endure. These actions were not made by a functional human being. What walked through my doors in the beginning of it all was what I thought was my savior; my own God. But, he was nothing more than the devil himself, showing me what was in store for me in the near future.
The nine months that followed held the majority of the descent into my personal Hell and the climb out of the early grave those months dug for me that I have still not completely escaped yet. I regret those months more than anything else in my life before you came in and wrecked everything. I’ve lost time that I’ll never get back with my daughter and played with the emotions and even lives of other people that the only fault was being in my way. I struggle with my thoughts still and can barely maintain a normal relationship. I’m not completely fixed nor will I ever be the same person I was before all of this. I don’t want to be. I took a lot of shit to become who I am now. I won’t go back to being weak.
It’s June now and soon it’ll mark a year you left me with your noose around my neck. I no longer spend my time blending day and night and losing track of the day or time. I wake up next to a man who has and continues to show me what everyone else failed to exhibit. Neither one of us stand behind, but beside one another. He was the one that removed your death grip. He treats my daughter as his own and shows me what family is. You don’t hurt me anymore. Thank you for breaking me down and leaving so I can find my true savior. The one who’s worth it all.
